The sun is blinding. Yellow-white rays flood the inside of every apartment. Car engines roar to life in the parking lot below, signaling the start of the day.

Valerie is quiet. She lies on her back, looking directly above the bed at the ceiling fan and watches as it spins. Around and around, seemingly faster the more time goes by. She watches the blades cut through the air, disrupting the calm, sending waves like ripples that reach all the way to her. Holding a lock of her short, dark hair in between her index finger and her thumb, she twirls it slowly.

Evan snores next to her. Every so often she looks at him for a moment before returning her gaze upon the fan, but in that moment she admires him. He lies still. His greasy hair, longer than Valerie’s and far lighter, sways lightly back and forth in the air moving around them. His lips are dry and chapped. The inner corners of his eyes, a kind of dark green when open, are flaked with sleep. His eyes are what make him. They captivate and enchant and they are exactly right for Evan. If he had brown eyes, he wouldn’t be as charming or wily. His arm rests on her waist, it’s tan and although some muscle is visible, almost scrawny. Still, she can feel the heat radiating from it.

​

The town square is not far from their apartment. Songs are heard coming from that direction, mostly guitars accompanied by soft, subtle voices. Evan has heard them all before, there aren't many songs he hasn’t. He once told Valerie that music was the only thing that made him feel alive, until he met her. She thought it was cheesy, but knew that he meant it. Now every song seemed to belong to them. 

 

“What should we do?” Valerie falls into the cushioned chair on the balcony, coffee in hand. 

“We’ll decide later.” His hand falls to her shoulder.

Music carries on through the morning. Evan holds his own guitar and strums peacefully, a tune he plays often. Valerie glides around the room, swaying to the rhythm. Sometimes she sits and scribbles random thoughts in a notebook. She writes about the last time she saw her father, how angry she was when she saw the blonde waiting in the passenger seat of his car. Her mother didn’t look at him when he left, like she knew what was outside. Her page is full and Evan keeps playing. They sit and bathe in the sun. She tends to a plant Evan bought her for her birthday. The leaves on the end have started to turn brown and crisp near the edges. She pulls the dead parts off and sighs.

“I think it’s dying.”

He comes over and touches it lightly, inspecting the damage. “I think it’s alright, maybe you should water it.”

She grabs the watering can and carefully pours it on the dry dirt.

​

* * *

​

This is a nice place to be. Valerie has always lived here, and Evan is from a small town in Missouri. He’s happy in Fayetteville. He could be happy here for the rest of his life.

The square is close, Dickson Street is closer. The center of the town is always busy. Bikes and skateboards speed over every sidewalk. People hold hands as they promenade through the streets. At night, young people dance under streetlights, yelling loud enough for everyone to hear. There are two theaters, one smaller than the other, where they like to go every so often. Evan likes anything live, but music is different. He lives for it. The bars that line Dickson call to him. They often have little nobodies playing for anyone who will listen, and Evan always will. Even the people playing on the sidewalk. He often engages in conversation about a piece they have just played or something about their instrument. He plays three. He says one day he’ll be a famous musician. Valerie believes him.

Evan likes life. He has dreams, and so does Valerie. He enjoys going to the bars to hear new songs with Valerie, songs that inspire him. He looks forward to the hours of strolling through parks, bookstores, and coffeeshops. He is perfectly satisfied having endless days with Valerie.

Valerie finds him in the bedroom and interrupts the song he was playing, a slowed down version of “Unrequited Love” by the Breakup Shoes.

“Have you eaten yet?” she asks. “I could go get something if you want.”

He looks at the time before answering.

“That would be good.”

​

“Anything in particular?”

“Something from the coffee shop down the street.”

She nods, “Perfect.”

She is glad to be in her car. She twists the key and holds it until it starts. Once out of the parking lot, her ride is smooth and calm. She thinks about her life. Then about how her mother must be doing without her father. She wonders if her father regrets any of it, then she remembers that he’s still with the woman from the car. She hopes her mother can move on. Then she thinks about Evan. He has a way of commanding the world, the connection he has to people makes it easy. She knows that she is more interesting than him, she has lived more life than he has. Though he is by far more attractive than her, that is obvious. Her nose is crooked from being broken once, while he has a small chip in one tooth that makes him look even friendlier. She is often quiet. She turns the radio down as she comes to a red light. It took a while before she understood how they fit together. She has only recently begun to understand who she truly is. She has known who Evan was from the start. That’s how she knows she is more interesting. She could read him, he was open. She has secrets. But being interesting isn’t so important. It doesn’t make up for the lack of understanding between two people, the shared comfortability that two people should feel. Valerie and Evan have that understanding.

​

* * *​

​

Some time later, a ringing interrupts the peaceful silence. She answers from the bedroom, the sound of her feet pitter-pattering across the wood floor accompany her soft mumbling. Once the call is over, she shouts to Evan, “Do you want to go out?”

​

“Yes, where to?”

“Wherever, Aster is on her way.”

Though Valerie has talked about her, Evan knows little. Only that Valerie doesn’t talk to her anymore. He couldn’t care less about spending the day with Valerie’s old high school friend; he’s just happy they are going out. She starts to pack a bag with water and snacks. He falls slowly on the couch, letting a small grin overtake his face as the sun melts like butter over his skin. His eyes follow Valerie as she moves across the kitchen, gliding softly over the tile. He smiles wider.

Aster shows up loud. Her car pulling in can be heard from their apartment, something dragging from the back making a screeching noise. After that, her shoes stomp on the ground quickly as if she were jogging down the hall. Keys clash together and the ice in her cup shakes, and when she finally knocks, they have already been listening to her for minutes. Valerie opens the door and he sees that her looks match her personality. An incredibly colorful top that is tied in the middle of her breasts and a matching pair of shorts printed with hypnotizing swirls. The hair touching her lower back is so blonde that it looks white.

“I’ve missed you so much! Where have you been? You should have called sooner, I’ve been back for days!” She speaks so fast her words all blend together.

“I thought you’d be busy.”

She hasn’t been busy at all, she says. Her boyfriend hasn’t been around. Valerie goes to put on her swimsuit.

​

“I’ve been home almost a week and he’s made time for me once!” Aster is yelling so Valerie can hear. “Men. They don’t know a thing. Whatever, I’m not giving him another thought.”

In the bedroom, Valerie is messing with the tie on her swimsuit top. She puts on denim shorts and sandals before making her way back to the living room, and Aster's booming voice.

When she walks in, Aster is turned toward Evan with passion radiating from her. “It’s infuriating! I don’t care. He can do what he wants. Doesn’t bother me. I’m too good for him, right?”

Her mouth is large, words fly out at rapid speed. Evan stares at her, he thinks her mouth is a cannon.

“Men don’t know how to treat women anymore. All these boys, they “talk” to someone new every week. They never actually have a connection, don’t know a thing.”

“Well I’m sure you are too good for him. Valerie!” he calls when he sees her in the doorway, standing and walking to her at once.

Aster rises and comes over. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to go on like this. I’m just so tired of these little boys! Yesterday was it. I went to his house. I was pounding on the door until some girl opened it, I went straight to his room and he was naked! I slapped him and told him to get it together, and then I left! That was it. Anyways, I’m done.”

Valerie and Evan are waiting for Aster to be done in the bathroom.

“She’s something,” Evan says.

“She makes me crazy.”

​

“That’s alright, it’ll be a good day.”

Valerie pulls a thread on her shorts, it starts to unravel.

“I hope.”

They hear Aster yelling over the faucet. “Hey Val! You know your plant’s dying right? You never could take care of them. You need to water it more!”

“Yeah, it’s not dead yet, don’t worry,” Valerie mumbles back, nervous for the day. Aster comes around the corner, “Ready?” She smiles. They walk the halls close together, Aster in front, Valerie trailing behind, Evan in between. On the way to the car Aster speaks up. “I’m absolutely done with him. In fact, I’m going to flirt with so many men that I won’t even remember his name! Oh! That guy over there, should I talk to him?”

Evan answers, “Yeah, tell him you’re trying to get over your ex. He’ll love that.”

She laughs. “Very funny.” She walks over to him.

Evan watches while she walks away, pausing to listen to the conversation. Valerie watches his eyes as they move with her. He lets out a small chuckle at something Aster said. Valerie takes his hand.

They walk to Valerie's car. It’s new. Her father bought it for her a few months before.

“Oh my god, Val! You got a new car! Where’d you get it? It’s so nice, so much better than the one you had in high school, remember?” She opens the passenger door to inspect it, her hands fly over the seats and open every compartment. “It’s amazing! Could I drive it? I love to drive.”

​

Valerie decides to sit in the back so that Aster doesn’t talk to her as much. Evan seems fine. She leans her head back and closes her eyes. He is making her laugh. She asks if she is a good driver and he makes a joke. He’s very funny.

“I love cars. My dad was super into them when I was young. We used to make a game of naming what a car was as we saw it.”

“That sounds fun, we should play now!” Evan is always excited to talk about cars. Valerie didn’t remember Aster being interested in cars.

The radio drones on about the “Songs of the Summer” and occasionally Evan hums along. Valerie keeps her eyes closed, listening to them play the game. They roll through Fayetteville, past a run-down Walgreens, a packed Walmart, and three Sonic’s. They get to West Fork and the river appears after a few turns.

The main parking for the river is packed, as expected for a hot day in the middle of July. They keep driving until they get to parking farther away.

“There’s so many people. Don’t they have better things to do?” She keeps on until they get everything from the car and start walking. Valerie and Evan go left, Aster begins in the opposite direction.

“Where are you going, didn’t we just pass the river?”

Valerie speaks first, “Just come this way.”

​

Aster hesitates, and Evan turns to her with a calm voice, “You want to be away from all the people, right?”

“Of course, lead the way!” She jogs to catch up.

The path to the hidden part of the river is overgrown. Branches form a canopy overhead. The tall trees that line the path act as walls, blocking everything from sight, including the car parked merely ten feet away. Patches of blinding golden light fall through the cracks above and make hot spots on the forest floor. The sound of plants rustling and moist dirt soaking up the impact of their steps is the only sound. Valerie relishes the quiet. They reach the rocky ledge floating over the river and are removing
their clothes before Aster speaks again.

“God, college is a different world, isn’t it? Everyone at Belmont is so beautiful. The people here don’t compare. You’d fit in there, Evan.”

“Nashville is beautiful.” He slowly drinks from his water bottle with a serious look on his face. Valerie knows he is thinking about music.

“They have manners there too. When they say they’ll call, they do. No wasting time and playing games, but if they do, at least they’re fun! God, it’s so boring here.”

Valerie opened a container of grapes and is chewing one with her eyes closed. She's lying on her back, not caring to listen to Aster complain.

“I’m going to call him later, he shouldn’t be let off the hook that easily.”

Aster’s voice rings in a continuous string of nonsense. Evan responds kindly but it is as if Valerie doesn’t hear. She uses the sound of water to drown out Aster's roaring voice. The birds singing and the air rippling over her skin is more than enough to distract her.

​

Farther down from where they sit is the open entrance to the river. Past the protruding rocks, Valerie can see children splashing one another and laughing. Hot dogs are being assembled next to a grill and juice pouches are downed within seconds. Women sit on the grass with their chins up, reaching for the heat, getting as close as possible.

Evan drops his water bottle before going to stand near the edge to examine the river. He stands still, like how he looked in bed before, still. With the greenery in front of him like a canvas, he is framed like a painting. His small muscles are pronounced in the daylight. He is already tall, but from Valerie's spot on the ground, he looks giant. He doesn’t move for a few minutes and allows the breeze to cool him. Once he is finished, he walks back to Valerie. He crouches to run a light hand over her back, and then hops a few steps back until he reaches the end of the ledge. Her body shakes as he starts to yell and sprint until he leaps into the river. Beside her one second, gone the next. She hears a large splash followed by a fit of laughter and him telling them both to jump in.

Aster goes in right after. She throws her arms up when she jumps and pulls them back down before she hits the water. Valerie walks to the end and looks down. Aster is shouting and paddling and Evan is staring straight up, waiting for her to jump. She takes a breath in and before thinking too much, jumps as far as she can into the bright blue water. He swims over to her and wraps his arms around her. She smiles at his excitement, and forgets Aster is a mere five feet away, staring. He brushes her hair out of her face and kisses her cheek. The kids from the other end of the river are still laughing, Valerie and Evan join in with them now. After a few seconds, she even smiles at Aster.

​

Back on the rocks they lie together with their eyes closed. Evan is sitting up, throwing grapes above him and attempting to catch them in his mouth. Valerie is propped up on one arm fanning her face with the lid to the container of grapes. Aster is face down, swinging her feet back and forth through the air.

He whispers to Valerie, “Is she okay?”

“I have no idea.” She shrugs. “Ask her.”

He speaks louder so she can hear, “Hey Aster, everything okay?”

She flips onto her backside and uses her hand to block the sun from her eyes. When she looks at him she sighs, “No, it’s not. I really liked him.”

Valerie looks at Evan while he looks at Aster. He says nothing more, just gives her a sympathetic look and a supportive pat on the back. Aster gives him a small smile in return.

They fall quiet for a while. Valerie grabs a book from her tote and begins to read. Aster connects her phone to a speaker she brought and is playing DJ. Evan eats most of their snacks, including the rest of the grapes, two of the three bags of potato chips, and two Cokes. Aster wades in the water after picking out a few songs. It only reaches up to her knees in the shallow part. Her swimsuit is tight on her hips. Her white hair is darker and longer now that it’s wet, it almost covers her bottom. She fills every inch of the swimsuit perfectly. Her calves and thighs are slick with muscle. Her whole body looks strong, really, prominent all the way to her jawline. Her face though is soft. Her plump cheeks match her round lips. She is really beautiful. Valerie has no strength. Her figure is flat from every angle. No muscle fills her figure and no fat softens her features.

​

Aster goes to the gym only twice a week, she says. Her muscles are mostly natural, but of course she tries to eat healthy most of the time. She doesn’t take supplements either, none. All natural, truly! She smiles and laughs when she tells them.

“Well that’s nice,” Valerie says back, “you look nice.”

“Oh Val! You’re the sweetest. You know, I could send you my workouts if you want! I’m sure it would work for you too.”

Valeries mouth falls open a bit and she nods, thinking that Aster should talk less sometimes. She closes her eyes and goes back to fanning her face. A group of three guys break through the trees to the far right of them. Aster straightens up when she notices. She pushes her shoulders back and swings her hair behind her. She tilts her head up and the wind dances in her hair, making twists and twirls. She is still in her pose, and when the group notices, she can tell. Her eyes open and find them at once.

“What are you doing?” Evan says. He is watching her as she smiles and turns away from them.

“I’m working my magic.”

“What magic?”

“Confidence,” she says, “they love confidence. I am a very confident person. Oh, and beauty. I know I’m beautiful. That magic.”

He studied her and decided she was being sincere. “Do they like confidence in Tennessee?”

​

“They do. They like confidence everywhere, that’s true. When I travel the world I’ll prove it. They’ll love me everywhere.” She giggles and he laughs at her answer. He isn’t used to someone so outspoken.

Valerie is quiet. She is reading again and sipping from a bottle of water. The wind has picked up and the sun has gotten colder. Aster is complaining about the breeze and Evan is shaking the water droplets from his hair. They are hungry and tired from the sun. Valerie stands to look at the water one last time before they begin to pack things away.

“Val, will you come with me? I want to talk to those guys before we leave. Put your shorts on quick!” She hugs Valerie around the neck, and once Valerie finishes with the button on her shorts, her arm is pulled in their direction. She looks back at Evan and he is grinning while holding the bags.

“I don’t really want to, Aster.”

“Don’t worry! You don’t have to do anything at all, just walk!” She pulls them along slowly until they are stopped in front of the group. Aster talks and talks while Valerie zones out, she doesn’t hear anything said. Instead, she looks down and picks at her nails until Aster calls for her to leave.

They walk back through the mixture of rock and sand, their toes squishing into every soft spot. The sun is still high but clouds make it dim. A warm, thick fog surrounds them as they move. Aster is talking about the guys and Valerie is nodding along politely. Evan is standing alone when they reach their spot, he took everything back already. Aster jumps up and tells him what happened.

​

“Oh you should’ve seen it, they were speechless! I told them I saw them watching me earlier, they got so embarrassed. I wrote down my number on the tall one's arm and told them to call me.”

“Which one?” Evan was invested.

“All of them! It’s not serious, nothing is. You just gotta let them know you’re fun. And I’m very fun,” she laughed.

He is excited for her and they high five. They begin to walk back to the car. Then they start to run through the trees and the walls of vines and the floor covered in leaves. Evan turns around to Valerie to hold her hand. They run together and pant when they get to the car. Loud breathing is all they hear. They are happy.

They drive to JJ’s on Dickson. On the way they play the car game again. Evan is driving this time. Aster hangs out the side of the passenger seat window to dry her hair, occasionally winking at men in their cars or blowing kisses to them on the sidewalks. They always look surprised, blowing kisses back and whistling and hollering as if they had just won the lottery. She always laughs back and continues whatever she is doing. Evan asks about her. He is fascinated. She is happy to answer, she jokes that she loves to talk about herself.

Valerie lies quietly in the backseat and listens to the radio. The sunroof is open and the thick, humid air feels like a blanket on her skin. She watches as everything speeds by, the clouds, the power lines, the tops of tall buildings. The continued movement is hypnotizing.

When they get there, Evan opens the back door and takes her hand. She slides out and links their arms instead, Aster comes around and does the same to his other side. He leads them in.

​

Aster likes the band. Evan starts on about them, they play here every so often and are one of his favorites. This is his favorite place, they come by at least twice a week.

“I’m so glad you like them!” He is genuinely excited, though Valerie thinks others are better. She likes it here for other reasons. The people here are interesting. She likes how it feels, comfortable and easy. And she likes that this is their spot, hers and Evan's.

They sit down and Aster's head starts to swivel. Evan watches with the same fascination he’s had all day.

“Anything catching your eye?”

She stops searching and looks at him, “Yes.” She nods towards a table closer to the stage, a few men sit there with beers in their hands. “I know that type. I know what they want, who they are. Boys know nothing, but they’re cute.”

They sit with their drinks until they are ready to order. Valerie is tired. Aster's presence has drained her. She knows Aster isn’t at fault, but it’s true nonetheless. She can feel that something has shifted. She wishes Aster was gone and that this was any other night, alone with Evan. Aster has changed too, she didn’t used to be like this. She used to be more involved with Valerie. She used to care about her friends more than the men she surrounds herself with. She has lost restraint, and it scares Valerie. The food is brought out soon and they eat while listening to the band play love songs.

Once their plates are empty, Aster talks yet again about what happened with her current boy.

​

“I don’t even mind that there was another girl. I bet there’s been more than one anyways. It’s not like we were exclusive. I just hate to be ignored, you know? And he could have at least told me. There’s always other girls, I just need to be respected enough to be the best.”

Valerie was in disbelief, “You can’t be serious.”

“I am serious.”

Evan is interested in Aster's ideas. Valerie can see it, sense it. He finds her fascinating in the same way the men at the beach did, the same way the men on the street do. She is something new, something he had never thought about before.

They leave the bar and walk down Dickson. Valerie holds his arm with her head resting on his shoulder. She doesn’t say much, her focus is on walking and keeping her eyes open. They keep walking for a while, listening to the sounds of people singing and erupting with laughter. After about twenty minutes, Valerie asks to go. They walk to the car and Evan opens the door for them both. Valerie shuts her eyes on the ride home but isn’t fully asleep.

Evan says something about Aster’s boyfriend, Aster laughs. Valerie lies still. They pull into the parking lot. She waits for someone to do something, open a door, turn off the car, or even speak. She risks a peek at Evan, he is staring at Aster. She doesn’t look a second more, and pretends to wake up immediately.

“Evan.” She touches his shoulder over the seat.

“Hey sleepyhead.” He places his hand on hers, “Ready to go in?”

She nods and lets him get out to open her door. He does, but only after jogging to open the passenger door first.

“Did I miss anything when I was asleep?”

​

“Not much,” he says with a new look in his eye, one Valerie hadn’t seen before.

Valerie holds his hand as they go slowly across the concrete lot, stepping over pebbles and potholes until they reach the building. They go inside, and the walk felt like an eternity. All she can think of is his eyes. So different from this morning. The eyes that looked at her in bed are now somewhere else. Worse, they are the same eyes as the men Aster described, never satisfied, never content.

They reached their apartment. Evan asks if Aster wants a drink, she does. Valerie goes to the balcony. The brown on the leaves she pulled off this morning has migrated farther up. It taints the remaining leaves, it speckles the stem, blending in with the muddy soil below. She sits down, caressing the vine hanging off the side of the pot. She is sorry she couldn’t keep it alive. She makes her way to the bedroom, but leaves the door open enough to listen. Evan laughs. Aster has been with many men, for nights and months and years. She talks of how romantic men are when they want something, they can be quite the gentleman.

It is late. Cars still light the road below and keep the city alive. Drunken people trip over nothing outside. Music can still be heard from Dickson. The door closes and Evan comes in. He turns the light off and starts to undress. Then he gets in bed next to her.

The room is silent. He pulls her in but it feels as though she doesn’t belong there, under his arms. The warmth of the day is replaced by a bite in the air, touching every part of her skin. He doesn’t know where to put his hands.

“My plant is dead.”

“What, are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

​

“I’m sorry, Valerie. I can get you another.”

She thought about it, but she knows that one would die too. She doesn’t answer, just looks at him before turning away.